So, you are with a therapist…
Being in a relationship with a therapist isn't always as poetic as popular culture likes to think. They can be great listeners and super empathetic, but behind the scenes, there’s more to the story. You know firsthand that therapists can bring their work home, overanalyzing and sometimes forgetting to leave the "therapist hat" at the door. People imagine them as perfect partners with all the answers, but in reality, they're just as human and flawed as anyone else.
Here are some of the common things I hear therapist partners feel:
Like their project/patient (“Don’t therapize me!”)
Pressure to keep up with their emotions
Tired of the constant pressure to “just go to therapy” OR If you are already in therapy, tired of hearing it isn’t working
Wondering “how is my spouse/partner even helpful to their clients?”
Conflicted generally about therapy given what you see
My partner or spouse wins if I go to therapy…
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It's brave work, coming into the therapy space when your partner is a therapist. We therapists can be difficult people (trust me, I know this firsthand as I haven't always been the best spouse to my partner of 12 years). But there's a unique power in finding yourself—not as someone else's project, but as your own mystery to explore and enjoy.
For nearly a decade, I've worked with therapist partners and have come to love this population. You have more to offer than you even realize, especially to yourself. Whether you've been with your partner for over 20 years or are just starting to date, know that you will be welcomed here to explore what it's like to exist from your own perspective.
Therapy is about you. It's a safe space to explore your feelings, gain new perspectives, and find practical solutions that work for your life. It's not about who wins or loses; it's about finding balance and well-being for yourself. We're here to help you navigate that journey, judgment-free and at your own pace.
No thanks, Therapy? Check out group.
A therapist joke says that being with therapists should come with an informed consent. What is informed consent? Simply put, it's a detailed explanation of what you're getting into, especially when there are risks involved. And let's face it, being partnered with a therapist can sometimes feel like navigating a minefield of emotional awareness and mental health expertise.
So, how do you even go to therapy and see it as something for yourself, and not just for them (your partner/spouse)? Instead of individual therapy, you might start with a group of folks like yourself. In a process group, you join others who understand the negative or uncomfortable feelings you have about therapy, given your partner's career. You'll explore whether you believe in therapy and begin to understand your impact on people beyond your spouse. This helps you gain a more accurate perspective on what's real, beyond just your partner's needs.
It's tough for most people to enter a space that reminds them of their partner, especially if there's conflict. Group therapy can be a safe way to dip your toe into the therapy world without committing to a deeply emotional one-on-one therapy relationship right away.
in therapy already & Need group Support
If you've been in therapy for a while, you might find yourself more tuned in to your emotional world than your partner at times. This can be especially challenging when your therapist partner avoids acknowledging your own emotional power in the relationship, or even avoids doing the deep, long-term therapy work themselves.
It's a unique dynamic, and it can be tough. Recognizing these challenges in a therapy group can be one of the best paths forward to addressing it later with your spouse—on your own terms. You can be witnessed for your own emotional insights you do hold, even if you aren’t a therapist yourself.